My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
