I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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