This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
