Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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