He told me they were just razor bumps!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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