i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
