When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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