blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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