I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
