WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
