No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
