I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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