An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
