How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
