he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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