So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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