I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just puked most of my soul out..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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