I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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