How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
