Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
