Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
