i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
