2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
