guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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