I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
