you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
