Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
