Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
