It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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