Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
