I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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