i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
