It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
