i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
