I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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