i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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