the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
