Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
