That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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