I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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