Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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