Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
