Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
