We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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