Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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