I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
