so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
