Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
