The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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