when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He passed out mid-signature
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pants are for mortals
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
