i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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