The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
