Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
bring money and cleavage
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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