did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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