Whod you bang
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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