you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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