I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
