There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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