I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He felt like a one man threesome
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
