You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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