i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
