I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
