Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
