i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
