New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Congratulations! We have a period
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