I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
