I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My balls are so social today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
