I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
