shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
