we're chasing vodka with high fives
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
